


scared to be lonely

by abyssith



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddles, Fluff and Angst, Homeworld (Steven Universe), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lars is lonely, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Sleepy Cuddles, Songfic, Stars, but now it's becoming an otp, guys i need more Stars, i kinda ship this?, is a fantastic ship name, it was my brotp, literally at 2 AM, well sorta, wow this is the first work under this specifically romantic tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 07:35:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11122698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abyssith/pseuds/abyssith
Summary: It's been a month since Steven last visited Lars, and Lars has been having trouble coping.ALTERNATIVELY: the Stars fic that absolutely no one asked for, but secretly wanted anyway





	scared to be lonely

**Author's Note:**

> Based on parts of the song "Scared to be Lonely" by Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa.
> 
> Am I allowed to ship this as long as I ship Stevonnie and Larsadie slightly harder? Or, Stevonnie anyway.

too much time, losing track of us  
where was the real?  
undefined, spiraling out of touch  
forgot how it feels  
  
do we need somebody  
just to feel like we're alright?  
is the only reason you're  
holding me tonight  
'cause we're scared to be lonely?  
  
***  
  
Usually Steven's peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are pretty neat, all the way down to the peanut-butter-to-jelly ratio. But this time around, he's sloppy and rushed and probably slathers on half the can of jelly over the soon- saturated wheat bread. Ten seconds later, the sandwich is pitifully wrapped in plastic and stuffed in Steven's mostly unzipped backpack, in danger of falling out as the boy trips over himself in his hurry to Lion.  
  
The massive pink feline is lounging in his usual place in Steven's living room. He peeks out of one eye and hardly flicks an ear when Steven hastily rubs his hand over Lion's muzzle and says breathlessly, "Hey, bud. Sorry I'm in a rush; you know I haven't seen Lars in forever!"  
  
That was true. Steven hadn't had much time to set aside to visit Homeworld to see Lars, thanks to the broken dropship the Gems are trying to fix. They have employed Steven's help, as well, resulting in an almost always busy schedule. Now that they were nearing the end of the restoration, Pearl had allowed Steven a day off to tell Lars the good news. It's been more than a month since Steven last visited the lanky teen.  
  
Lion sniffs and leans into Steven's palm before lowering his head. Steven doesn't hesitate to draw himself back, suck in a deep breath, and dive into the lush, cotton candy mane.  
  
The familiar rush of whispers and wind vacuum around him as Steven departs from the real world and enters Rose Quartz's dimension. His head barely parts the dense pink grass before he's sprinting through the field, abandoning Lion's acacia tree for the oak on the hill a short ways away. Earlier trips had seen Steven's lungs on fire when he reached Lars' side of the dimension; now he hardly feels the slight pain in his chest thanks to his speedy gait.  
  
Steven reaches the base of the slope and quickly drops to his knees. Only, his hands never find the ground--they're falling through empty space. The rest of his body joins, and for a millisecond Steven is plummeting through a whirlwind of pink and blackness and warmth. Then his hands and face emerge in a slightly cooler, danker atmosphere, and the next thing Steven knows, he's sprawled out at Lars' feet. His breathing, rapid for a second or two, is already returning to normal.  
  
He groans, rubbing at a sharp pain in his ribs. He had landed on his side, at a distance higher up than usual. Steven opens his eyes and stares up, crosseyed, and sees a salmon- colored splotch that gradually becomes Lars' startled and incredulous face.  
  
Steven pulls his bag from underneath him and tosses it to the side. He sits up with a hand cupping his ribs and manages to grin, forcing a "Hey, Lars!" through his teeth. "Miss me?"  
  
Lars stares at him, slack-jawed for a couple moments longer before he abruptly cannons into him, shouting, "Steven!" while knocking Steven backwards on the ground again. They're a tangle of arms and legs for a few seconds before Steven grunts, "Lars--can't breathe--hurts--"  
  
Lars yelps and lifts himself off of Steven, looking down at the younger boy with concern sparkling in his eyes. "Oh, god, I'm sorry--I-I missed you like you wouldn't believe--gah, didja break your ribs? S-sorry, I didn't expect--"  
  
Steven silences Lars with an easy laugh. Lars blinks, confused as Steven pulls him down into an embrace of his own. "It's okay. I didn't break anything; probably just bruised." He leans back, pushing Lars away just so the older boy can see him clearly. "Besides, I'm Rose Quartz. I heal fast, right?" he beams.  
  
Lars just as quickly pulls him up and plops him in his lap to hug him fiercely again without a word. Steven furrows his brow, absentmindedly rubbing his cheek against Lars' hair that had grown down to his chin. He isn't used to Lars being this touchy (but he eagerly accepts it, of course).

"Where've you been?" Lars mutters into his ear, his fingers drawing circles into Steven's back on their own accord. "How--how long has it been? Since you last came?"  
  
Steven gently pulls away from Lars and shifts in his seat between Lars' legs. "At least a month," he answers guiltily, cheeks burning with shame that he knows he doesn't deserve. "I'm really sorry I couldn't come sooner...the Gems have me working on that dropship, and they're really hopeful in it so they really never take a break. Oh! It--it's almost done. That's why they let me rest. And why I'm here! Lars, you can come home soon!" He peers over Lars' shoulder to grin at the Off-Color Gems, who had been drawn to the commotion and are now watching curiously. "All of you can!"  
  
"To Earth?" murmurs Rutile's left head. "It almost seems impossible," Right Head agrees.  
  
Rhodonite's eyes gleam, and a pair of her hands fly to cover her mouth as she swoons, "I can't wait to see the sunset...oh, Lars makes it sound so beauti--"  
  
"Steven has returned!" Padparadscha interrupts cheerfully.  
  
Lars doesn't release Steven even as Flourite lazily drifts over, her voice calming and slow as she hums, "We cannot thank you enough for your devotion to getting us off Homeworld, Steven."  
  
"No problem!" chirps the boy. His attention shifts to the teen in front of him when Lars tugs on his sleeve, his eyes wide and all for Steven. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Y-yeah, I just..." Lars sighs, turning to look over at the gems. "I'm gonna take him to that place we found, okay?" he tells them. "We won't be long, just--give us twenty minutes."  
  
The Rutile twins exchange a look while Flourite seems to consider this. "Alright," the fusion eventually concedes. "But stay alert. Look out for robonoids."  
  
Lars nods a bit too eagerly, and nudges Steven to get up. Steven quickly obliges, jumping to his feet and nearly kneeing Lars in the chin in the process. He scoops up his pack and slings it over his right shoulder, looking over to see Lars at his side. To his surprise, the older boy grabs his hand tightly before whisking him through a tunnel. Steven takes this moment to realize that the cavern they had just been in was a new one, a much older-looking one.  
  
"Where are we going?" Steven asks, for once having to struggle to match Lars' pace. His hand is getting sweaty in the older boy's tightening grip.  
  
"A place the Gems and I found when we came here," Lars replies between breaths, referencing his and the Gems' necessary habit of finding new temporary homes in this giant network of caves and tunnels often and abandoning them before long. "You'll like it. It's quiet and nice and peaceful and--you'll see." Steven just nods.  
  
The tunnel begins to widen, and Steven begins to feel a fresher draft on his face. Is that--"A breeze?"  
  
Lars looks over his shoulder and grins. "Yeah."  
  
"From the surface?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"But what about--"  
  
"No more questions," Lars says firmly. Steven obeys, running along silently.  
  
Suddenly the tunnel gives way to a great cave, easily bigger than the last one. The ceiling stretches way, way up before narrowing into a hole about ten feet in diameter that's open to the sky above. It reveals a starry, cloudless night scene, and there are two moons lighting the darkness, one significantly dimmer and farther away. The hole is rimmed with wispy variations of trees, casting a dappled pattern of moonlight on the cave floor. It glistens on the wide, glowing flourescent pond in the middle of the cavern, surrounded by small and narrow stalagmites on three sides. The rest of the cave is filled with much smaller, less breathtaking ponds such as these, but equally beautiful nonetheless.  
  
Steven takes in this scene before him with a wide open mouth, his eyes lingering on the completely motionless, glass-like surface of the seagreen pond. When he tears his eyes away from it, he looks over at Lars, who is staring at the cavern with a pride of some sorts.  He notices Steven looking at him and returns the gaze, tossing him a lopsided smile. "You like it?"  
  
"Are you kidding?" gasps Steven. "This place is awesome--and beautiful..." Then it occurs to him. "Wait, but the surface! Lars, they can find you here!"  
  
Lars shrugs. "I dunno. The hole up there seems pretty discreet. Plus, it's got those trees, and they look pretty thick. Besides, we've been in this area for about a week or so now and we haven't bumped into any patrols." He backs into the cave and spreads his hands out, gesturing to it all. "Isn't it great? C'mon, Steven!"  
  
Steven pauses, casting a nervous glance at the hole above. But eventually his excitement gets the better of him, and with a giggle he runs into the cave. He passes Lars, who turns and chases after him. Steven makes a beeline to the pond, where he stops and crouches at the edge. Lars kneels beside him, and Steven feels the boy's eyes fixed on his face as he extends his hand and grazes the lukewarm water with his fingers. Ripples steal across the still surface, disrupting the calm in a mesmerizing way.  
  
"Can we swim?" Steven blurts, unable to control the urge to ask.  
  
"I guess. Do you want to?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Lars purses his lips and shrugs with his head before twisting and pulling off his shirt and pants, leaving himself in a pair of boxers.  Steven turns away at the last second but has to do a double take, his eyes drawn to Lars' figure as if by a magnet. Steven traces the pale scars slicing across Lars' back with his stare, the once harsh red lines a reminder that Lars isn't fully here. That he should be dead, and Steven is the only thing that stands in its way.  
  
Lars turns, kicking off his shoes and socks, mouth parted in a smile and about to say something, but evidently the words die in his throat when he sees Steven frozen and staring. Lars reddens and his eyes darken, and he crosses his arms over his chest, which is even more defaced. "What?" he demands.  
  
Quickly Steven averts his gaze, although he almost immediately looks back at him apologetically. "I-I'm sorry," he stammers, waving frantically with his hands, "I d-didn't mean to--it's just that--I didn't--I-I-I'm sorry..."  
  
Lars exhales and walks over to Steven, squatting before him and placing his hands on his shoulders. Steven forces himself to look away from one of the more particularly chilling scars on Lars' chest and to meet his eyes. Lars gives him a sad smile and whispers, "Hey, it's okay. I just...don't like remembering I'm not...you know. But it's not your fault. I guess I sorta just forgot those were there. I'm okay now. Let's go swimming, yeah?"  
  
Steven didn't even know he was crying until Lars uses his thumb to softly wipe away a tear on his cheek. "Okay," breathes the younger boy, turning his head into the hand on his face.  
  
Lars smiles warmly before pulling away and jumping into the pond with a hoot. The result is a wave of water that splashes right beside Steven, who jumps up and laughs, "Wait for me!"  
  
He yanks his shirt over his head, kicks off his flip flops and steps out of his pants. He backs up, takes a running start and vaults into the air with a loud, "CANNONBALL!" and crashes into the water a few feet away from Lars, promptly dousing the elder with a wall of water.  
  
Steven sinks to the bottom to the pond, finding it's a little over six feet deep. At its deepest, nine feet. It's also warmer near the bottom. When Steven resurfaces, he's instantly hit with a splash from a sinisterly smirking Lars. "Hey," he cries indignantly.  
  
"You got me first," protests Lars, slipping under the surface and gliding towards Steven with his eyes above the water like a shark.  
  
"Did not!" Steven ducks under and shoots away from Lars, popping up behind him and kicking up to splash him. Lars resurfaces and coughs, slapping the water in Steven's direction. The cavern fills with the sounds of laughter and splashing, joyous exclamations replacing the solemn silence that had haunted the cave for so long.  
  
  
***  
  
  
An eternity later, Steven finds himself leaning against a stalagmate, one leg shoved halfheartedly into a pant leg. He's too worn out to put on the rest. He quietly watches Lars pull on his jeans and use his shirt as a towel to dry his hair off, which hangs to the side in a wet, tangled bunch of taffy.  
  
He comes over to sit beside Steven, who quickly wriggles into Lars' side for warmth. Lars lets out a startled but pleased noise, helpfully opening his arms for a better angle.  
  
"You comfortable, little buddy?" murmurs Lars, folding his arms around Steven once the smaller boy is situated.  
  
Steven shuffles around and lets out a long sigh. Thanks to the direct contact of their skin, Steven is warm in no time at all, and he relaxes immediately after Lars envelopes him in the cocoon of his limbs. "Yeah," he whispers, resting his head on Lars' bare chest. Here he can feel Lars' slow, dull heartbeat like a drum. It's silly, Steven thinks, that he needs this kind of reassurace--that even though Lars is here and next to him and safe and well, Steven won't let go of his breath until he feels the next pulse.  
  
"What're you doing there?" asks Lars, rubbing Steven's back. Steven shivers at the touch.  
  
"Listening to your heartbeat."  
  
"Oh yeah? It's still there, right?"  
  
Steven laughs a little. "Yeah." He pauses, and then keeps talking. "I like hearing it. It...reminds me that you're here. That you're okay. It's dumb, I know, but..."  
  
"Nah. I...actually do a similar thing," admits Lars after a moment, his movements halting as he thinks.  
  
Steven sits up so he can look at Lars in the eye. "What do you mean?" he asks, tilting his head.  
  
A bit of extra red leaks into Lars' cheeks as he says, "Well...I have to remind myself that I still have a home. A-and that I still have friends and family who want to see me. You're my reminder, Steven." His face darkens, and he looks away sheepishly whe he says, "This month was...really, really hard without you. I...almost forgot why I'm still fighting."  
  
Insurmountable guilt roars into an overwhelming wave in Steven's chest, and suddenly he's crying and apologizing to no end again. Lars pales and drags Steven into an embrace, managing not to flinch when Steven grabs him without warning and sobs directly into his collar. "God, I didn't mean to..." Lars buries one of his hands in Steven's messy, curly black mop of hair and brings him in close, whispering, "It wasn't your fault. I promise, I promise--it wasn't you. It was never you, okay?"  


"I know," coughs Steven, leaning back. He wipes his eyes and nose and almost launches into another sob when he spots the tears threatening to break in Lars' eyes. "I missed you too. More than--anyone else." He almost slips up and says 'Sadie', but catches himself at the last moment. He knows how Lars feels about Sadie, and how complicated things will be. Even back at home, Steven couldn't even bring up Lars' name or well-being before Sadie could either change the subject or flat-out run away crying. Probably best to avoid her now.  
  
"I'd rather you not leave," Lars confesses a minute later, when they're lying together again. This time, Steven is curled with his back to Lars' abdomen, and the older boy has subconsciously fulfilled his own half of the spooning position. His left arm hangs over Steven's side, holding him like a teddy bear, and his right arm supports his head. "Who knows if we'll see each other again?"  
  
"I don't like thinking like that," Steven remarks, reaching up to lay his hand over Lars'. Even though he can't see him, the heat in the larger boy's body betrays his reaction. And Steven can feel Lars smiling into the top of his head.  
  
"Yeah, you're right. How about...all of us, back on Earth?" Lars muses. "Together and happy and having fun?"  
  
"At the Big Donut!" Steven jumps in, relishing the thought.  
  
Lars chuckles quietly, but Steven still catches the little lump of homesickness lodged in Lars' throat. "Yep. At the Big Donut." And then he's quiet.  
  
Steven thinks for a moment before rolling over. Lars gives a start, stiffening when the resulting position brings their faces closer than they've ever been before. It gives Steven ample opportunity to notice things he's never seen before, like the almost invisible freckles under Lars' eyes or the little nick at the upper right corner of his lips. To Lars' credit, he doesn't lean away, instead showing his unease in the form of a violent blush and perspiration on his neck. Steven keeps his arms bunched up between their chests for his benefit.  
  
"I wish I didn't have to leave either," says Steven, trying to keep his eyes on one place. " I don't want to leave you alone for another month. But, on the plus, we should have the ship up and running in no time. The next time I see you, it'll be when we're getting you out of here!"  
  
The prospect of escape seems to distract Lars from their closeness. His eyes wander from Steven's face to somewhere beyond his head an invisible point in space. "I hope so," he whispers. Then he looks back at Steven, his gaze warm and hopeful and so unlike the Lars that Steven knew two years ago, a Lars that insulted his mom and lied to Sadie and tore up friendships like photographs. "I'm so scared to be lonely, Steven," he says, his voice barely audible. "I...I can't stand being by myself."  
  
"That's the thing, Lars..." Steven's gaze flicks over the long scar crossing Lars' right eye before looking him straight on again and smiling, "it's okay to be afraid."  
  
A tear makes its way down Lars' cheek, dripping off his chin and splashing on Steven's arm. Steven flinches at the sudden wetness, realizing that he'll never be able to think of Lars without death and tears coming into the picture ever again. But that's okay, because it's not the part of the story that counts.  
  
Steven reaches up and touches the tear streak,  rubbing Lars' cheek in a comforting manner when the elder shudders and another tear joins the first. "Y'know," Lars mumbles, "I never did apologize for what I said about your...mom, a couple years ago."  
  
Steven shrugs, having forgiven the offense a while ago. "It's okay. I mean, it's not, but I guess I know why you said those things. So it's okay." When Lars nods distractedly, Steven questions, "Why bring that up now?"  
  
"Dunno. I was just thinking about it all--how you're actually a wanted thousand-and-something-year-old giant pink woman who can heal people with her tears and is part of some centuries-old crime and--" Lars takes a deep breath and shakes his head. He closes his eyes and leans forward, resting his forehead against Steven's. "It's just...so weird to think of you as that. Because, you're so different."  
  
Steven had frozen, startled when Lars moved forward, but quickly regains composure. "I am?"  
  
"Well, yeah," Lars replies. "Like...you're really considerate about everyone else. And...you're super helpful, and you make friends so easily. I can't imagine you ever...uh, shattering anyone."  
  
A cloud of heat drifts through Steven's face. "I can't imagine myself doing that either," he agrees earnestly. "And thanks. It's kinda nice to know that I'm doing something right."  
  
Lars snorts. "When have you ever done anything wrong?"  
  
"Are you kidding? Just ask Pearl. She'll give you a whole list."  
  
Lars laughs, and soon Steven joins in, too. He's forgotten how having this sort of fun feels, especially with Lars. Yeah, the dude has his moments, but Steven's never felt so at home before.  
  
Finally their chuckles lapse into a silence again, only broken when Lars reaches up and combs a hand through Steven's hair. Steven glances up from where he had been staring at the dip between Lars' collar bones, blushing again when he sees how close Lars' eyes and nose are. "The Gems will be looking for us," Lars whispers, keeping his hand in Steven's hair. "We should go back."  
  
Sudden disappointment surges through Steven's body at the words. It must show on his face, because Lars crooks an eyebrow and says, "Unless you wanted to stay a while longer?"  
  
"No, you're right. I should be leaving."  
  
Steven tries to scoot away, but stops when Lars' grip strengthens without warning and draws him back in. "Wait," Lars protests, his tone suddenly frantic.  
  
Steven snuggles back in, glad for the refusal. "Yeah?"  
  
Lars pulls him into his chest, his arms wriggling underneath Steven's to hold him captive. The younger boy readily hugs Lars back, his face stuffed into the crook of Lars' neck. He feels the pulse again, and his heart warms. Another shiver runs through his body when something wet hits his shoulder, and he squeezes Lars tighter when he realizes the teen is crying again.  
  
"You'll visit soon," Lars asks quietly. "Right?"  
  
"Of course. I won't be long. I promise." Steven tilts his head up and puts his mouth right next to Lars' ear before repeating in a voice hardly above a breath, "Promise."  
  
He feels Lars nod on his shoulder. Then, out of nowhere, the largest shiver of them all bolts down Steven's spine before he can even figure out why. It's only three seconds later, through the pounding of blood in his ears, when Steven pinpoints the source as Lars' lips pressing softy to his neck.  
  
He doesn't move at all, even when Lars swiftly leans away and mutters, "S-sorry. I don't know why--"  
  
"That was nice," Steven says mindlessly, hardly having heard Lars. The older boy freezes. "Wha-what?"  
  
"It was fine," repeats Steven, this time less to himself. He leans away from Lars to look him in the face, which is red and guilty. Steven smiles and assures him, "It'll bring me back."  
  
"O...kay," Lars stammers. He bites his lip and gently pushes Steven away to stand up and brush himself off. With an unreadable look cast Steven's way, he mumbles, "I'm just gonna..." followed by a few random hand movements before slipping off to put on his shoes.  
  
Steven blinks, suddenly lightheaded. He puts on the rest of his clothes in a daze, the skin on his neck still tingling as if fingers of electricity are ghosting over him.  
  
He meets Lars near the entrance, who seems to have recovered from his previous embarassment. The pink teen gives Steven an uncharacteristically soft smile and offers him his hand. Steven eagerly takes it, but then acts on a whim and pulls hard. When Lars stumbles, having to bend down, Steven seizes the moment and plants a kiss on Lars' cheek.  
  
A sharp noise that sounds like a mix between a gasp and a choke bursts out of Lars' mouth, fading into a soft sigh when Steven pulls away. He looks into Lars' giant, surprised black eyes and offers a wide goofy smile. "It's only fair," he says shyly.  
  
Lars' mouth opens and closes multiple times, but no words come out. His pink complexion is now a very lovely dark shade of rose--which Steven finds hilariously fitting. Finally he manages to stutter out, "You're freaking weird."  
  
For some reason, that statement is the funniest thing Steven has heard in a while. Probably because Lars clearly didn't mind at all.  So Steven laughs, letting Lars straighten back up. "I get that a lot."  
  
They wander back through the tunnel at a slow pace, silent but basking in the presence of the other. When Steven can hear the hushed sounds of the Off Colors in the near distance (and from the loud, agitated sound of Rhodonite, it sounds like they're getting ready to go get Lars and Steven), he looks up at Lars and promises, "We'll be back for you, Lars. Before you know it. And then you won't need me to remind you that you've got people who miss you."  
  
Lars looks down at him, the sides of his mouth twitching. "Honestly, I'm probably always gonna need you, Steven."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"'Cause you make this new life worth it."  
  
Steven's heart swells with affection. "I'm glad you're here."  
  
"So am I," Lars says.  
  
  
  
  
END

**Author's Note:**

> This is my contribution to the fandom. Please don't hurt me.
> 
> EDIT: Because people have pointed out that this is the only fanfic underneath Lars Barriga/Steven Universe (and I've noticed that too), I certainly plan to help the tag grow. To help me out, drop a request or two! I'm more than open to some. AUs are welcome. Hope to hear from you soon!


End file.
